Hey, buddy.
I started to write this a few days ago and really wanted to finish and post it on your birthday. But... guess what? We still didn't have everything ready for Oklahoma this week. Yep, you know how that goes. Guess I can say I wouldn't have quite as many memories with my Kroeger boys if it weren't for late night oil changes or packing. Some of those late nights are worth it when we get to head to Oklahoma.
We brought your 4-wheelers up to the balloon release for your 17th birthday on Sunday, April 17th.. Hope I lined them up okay for you! You were always so particular just like your dad, in the best of ways. But did you seriously have to make it rain on us? When your cousins said something about the rain, I replied "I bet Nick is up there laughing right now thinking we are all a bunch of goofs for standing out here getting soaked." A few smiles surfaced as I said that. I can hear you laughing right now. Boy, we sure do miss your laugh.
I shared these words at the balloon release. I found them one day and thought of my boys. I can also relate to this feeling now, too, thanks to my Kroeger boys.
"The feeling when you ride is like no other feeling.
You feel free from the world. You feel unstoppable.
Riding is a passion. It's a joy.
It's a stress reliever. It's a way of life."
One night at home a while back I was out working on some things, and I couldn't help but keep staring at the sky. I immediately thought paddle tire tracks. Makes me smile along with some tears to feel that you are riding on.
I shared with everyone on your birthday about how much you and your brother looked forward to the annual trip to Oklahoma in recent years. A trip for your birthdays, as Nate's birthday falls just two days after yours. Last year's trip may have ended up being a bit later with everything else that was going on, but man did we have a great time. I had been hanging out for a while at the time, but that week I really started to feel like I was becoming a part of this family. I loved every minute out there on the dunes with you, Dad, Nate, and the rest of the guys.
I loved hearing that you and Nate started to say you had your personal photographer along with you. I remember you sharing this photo with the RZR and one other with a guy at the buggy shop in Waynoka. That was one of your favorite places to go.
You always got the guys going on the drag strip, too. You told your dad how much you liked these where you are lined up. Growing up on these things, you and Nate usually fed everyone else dust. Well, dirt bike boy over there had a bit of an edge, too. That best friend of yours is quite the character, too. We love that he became part of our family, too.
Riding buddies. Best friends. Brothers.
"Family picture time? Really, Jessica?" Yes, just one. Despite everything we all went through together, we sure did laugh a lot, too over the last year. I have my Kroeger boys to thank for the hardest laughing of my entire life. I promised you I would take care of them for you. Together we are doing our best to move forward and ride on. We think of you every single day.
I am beyond grateful that your dad asked me to come along with you guys to Oklahoma last June. I am thankful for the memories I got to share with you all, the ones that are yet to come, and becoming a part of your family.
Your dad was so excited after we caught this photograph. You and Darek had been popping wheelies for a while, and then your dad asked me if I might be able to get one of you two wheeling together. Off you went, snap snap snap went my camera, and then he had the biggest smile on his face as I showed him a preview on the back of the camera. Like father like son.
You stayed so strong and were so brave. You continued to enjoy life. Enjoy life. Laugh lots. Stay strong.
We have your yellow YFZ and orange RZR loaded up and ready to go with us this week. We leave later today for Oklahoma with a bunch of the guys. We are going to miss having you sitting in the truck with us on the way, but I know you will be riding out there with us. Meet you at Little Sahara State Park. We're actually leaving on your brother Nate's birthday. I got to say Happy Birthday to him right at midnight last night, as we were still messing with a 4-wheeler in the garage at the time. Yep.
I spent more time than anyone with you in that RZR. I'm so thankful Nate took one photo of me in there with you. One of my most vivid memories was coming up over one dune with you and laughing our heads off about what we just saw. It may have involved someone not to be named at this time taking a leak right on the top of a sand dune. We looked at each other and just busted out laughing and laughed for quite a while. That memory has hit me hard a few times while we've been out riding in Genoa as someone still not to be named pulls over just about anywhere. Thank you for all the great times in that thing, driving me around, and letting me take over 2,000 photos. I can't ever remember the exact number of photos saved from Oklahoma 2015, but you and Nate could say the exact number it in a heartbeat.
This may not be the greatest closeup of all of us, but this is the one photo where I show up with all three of my boys. I cherish it greatly for that reason. Just hanging at camp amid all the adventure on the dunes together.
I'm sure you have been watching me tool around on the 4-wheeler I bought for myself last fall. Dad and I made several trips to Genoa even as the temps began to approach freezing. Gonna be different riding it under the Oklahoma sun on the fine sand dunes. I think it's gonna feel a bit different too riding on my own some out there. I like to wear one of the yellow helmets. You are always with us, and I look forward to connecting more in this place where your passion and joy truly shined.
I am taking a few of these photos along with us to Oklahoma.
So here's to letting go this week, riding with joy and passion despite the tears, and being together in one way or another. Ride On, Nick. We love you so much, buddy! -- Jess
"The feeling when you ride is like no other feeling.
You feel free from the world. You feel unstoppable.
Riding is a passion. It's a joy.
It's a stress reliever. It's a way of life."
