The Beginning of Never Forgetting

Well, it was Sunday, Nov. 23^rd 2015.  It started off like every fall weekend, up at the crack of dawn and finishing stock piling wood by the outdoor stove in preparation for the winter to come.  In the past, it was normal for Nate, Nick and I to get some work done, and if it seemed like it was going to be decent we would just throw a few 4 wheelers on a trailer, (that we had just unloaded wood off of) and head to one of our favorite riding spots in Genoa NE. 

Of course now Nick is gone, and Nate has taken on a second job and is working 7 days a week, so……. it is still get up at the crack of dawn Sunday morning and finish unloading the three trailers of wood that Jess and I brought home on Saturday. We ran out of light, but continued unloading four hours into the dark, until I looked at Jess and I finally said, “let's just finish this in the morning”.

Fast forward to Sunday, it’s just about 1:00pm, all the wood is unloaded, and I decide to take Jess on this familiar ritual of do a bunch of work and then go ride for the rest of the day.  So I put on one of Nick’s shirts; it’s way too small for me, but it is hidden under my hoodie.  I have a pair of his socks on.  I load up his 4 wheeler and his helmet and goggles.  I hook Nick’s truck to the trailer with two 4 wheelers on it, and Jess and I head to that favorite spot that I had been taking those two boys of mine for years!  I started Nate out riding my childhood 4 wheeler(that my Dad got for me), when he was 5 years old. Then, Nick….well he was started when he was only 3.  It was natural for the younger sibling to progress faster because he wanted to keep up with Nate, and that kid was determined not to be left behind! 

Jess and I are heading south on Hwy 81, and she is talking. I hate to admit this, but I wasn’t really listening.  My mind is rolling, my heart is aching with this emptiness that hurts, each time it beats.  I watch each line on the highway disappear under Nick’s truck.  All sorts of thoughts of Nick are running through my mind.  Then all at once Jess says “Mike, look in the sky, it says, ‘HI’”.  I look up from the disappearing lines of the highway, and sure enough, just as clear as can be, to the left of the clouds right in front of us is “HI” in capital letters, spelled out with these billowy white clouds.  As if they were traced in the sky with ones fingertip.  We look at each other, dumb-founded, each of us with this open mouthed grin on our faces.  Then I say, “GET YOUR CAMERA AND TAKE A PICTURE OF IT”! 

 Easier said than done.  Being the good girl that she is, she had put her seat belt on and the camera is in her front pocket of her jeans, with another layer of clothes underneath the jeans, anticipating that it might get cold later while riding.  I’m telling her, “hurry up, you're gonna miss it.”  She gets the camera out in her hands, trying to power it up, focus, uh… snaps the picture, and I in my most helpful way I say, “too late!"   Damn, who is going to believe this?  Oh well, we both saw it.  

 However, what we didn’t see, because we were so focused on the message “HI”, would be revealed later that night when Jess downloaded the picture she had taken, to see if we could still make out the message HI.  To our surprise, what we saw made us both just shake our heads and smile.  LOOK at the picture she snapped!  It says “Nick” in those clouds.  That capital letter H slid from left to right in the sky to form that stretched out “N”, and the capital letter I separated to form the lower case “i” with a dot on the top, and it is finished out with the c & k. 

(These rotated photos may load better on a mobile device)

After I lost glimpse of the original message in the sky, I went back to those disappearing lines on the highway, lost in my mind trying to get through each passing moment.  This is how it is from day to day now.  What do you see in those clouds?  Am I missing that kid so much that my mind tricks me into seeing things that are not really there!  I just don’t know anymore.  Things are all out of sorts, I try and make sense of things, but I cannot.  I am lost... I am that proverbial doubting Thomas (look it up if you don’t understand my comment).  I no longer have the faith like a child. 

My fear is that Nick will be forgotten.  His smell no longer lingers with his pillow for me to smell, or with his clothing that had not been washed. I want to tell the stories that I remember, while I still can, and I think that people will enjoy them.  There were so many funny things that happened when Nate, Nick and I would head out on our adventures.  Jess once told Nate, Nick, and I that she felt like we could tell her one story every single day and we would have enough for forever. I never bothered nor really had the time to sit down and jot them down for future reference. Why would a person think that something so outrageous would happen?  I fear I have forgotten a lot, but I am going to pen out the ones I remember, hoping that it will bring forth the ones below the surface.  Please help me with this task, if something comes to mind make a comment or send us an email.

-Mike